dissonance

[isthisart]

Dr. Cheung's at a funeral all day, so Linya decides to go up to London and see if Miles is out of his Mood.

Security has decided to be deeply unhelpful today. She is currently showing them various forms of ID and repeating in a slow, patient voice that she has been here before, there is not more than one of her, and she promises she is not there to assassinate her husband or whatever fool thing has them skittish today. Perhaps she shouldn't drop in while the captain's missing; it seems to make them worse. But she got in before while he was missing...

Comments

[unmarred]

He grins sharply. "Is it."

[thisvorlunatic]

Miles has no idea how to navigate this psychological minefield. But he gets a very strong sense that Mark is balanced on some kind of five-dimensional knife-edge, and any step in a wrong direction could be very, very bad.

"Um."

[unmarred]

"I'd wondered," he says thoughtfully, "how long it might take you to start picking up on me... I don't want to let him kill you. But I don't know that I want to throw my life away trying to stop him. It's not loyalty, you understand. The day my hatred outweighs my fear, Galen is a dead man."

[thisvorlunatic]

"...noted. Do you," Miles asks on reckless impulse, "get some kind of weird kick out of telling me things I could use to get you killed?"

[unmarred]

Mark cracks up.

[thisvorlunatic]

"I'll take that as a yes."

[unmarred]

"Oh, I don't want you to die," he half-giggles, half-sobs. "I like you too much."

[thisvorlunatic]

...that, that is an unexpected turn. Miles's heart hurts.

[unmarred]

He wipes his eyes and asks breathlessly, "When your wife picked me up, I - how do you live through it? Or do you not know what I'm talking about? Maybe you don't. If everyone felt like that when things like that happened, I - I can't conceive of how society would work."

[thisvorlunatic]

"I'm tempted to say Linya just has that effect on people," says Miles. "The first time I met her, I literally fell to my knees. It's kind of embarrassing in retrospect."

[unmarred]

"You're tempted, but you don't actually think that's it," says Mark, watching his face. "What do you think? I want to know."

[thisvorlunatic]

"I'm... not sure I have enough data to comment," says Miles.

[unmarred]

"First guess."

[thisvorlunatic]

"...Are you so horrifyingly deprived of positive touch that being picked up and kissed by someone who thinks you're her husband nearly gives you a heart attack?"

[unmarred]

Inexplicably, Mark grins.

"Yeah, I think that's it."

[thisvorlunatic]

"...I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the more I hear about your life, the more it sounds like the most depressing thing I've ever heard."

[unmarred]

"It probably is," he says merrily.

[thisvorlunatic]

"...Well, I suppose being proud of that is more fun than many other options..."

[unmarred]

"You are starting to understand me."

[thisvorlunatic]

"To my partial regret, yes."

[unmarred]

Mark giggles some more.

[thisvorlunatic]

"I don't suppose I could convince you to, say, untie me and give me a weapon," says Miles hopefully.

[unmarred]

His smile disappears. He shakes his head.

"I can't. I - I can't. I'm not... ready yet. Do you understand? I wonder if you can. You don't seem to be afraid of anything. You fear things... nerve disruptors, failure, loss. But I don't think you've ever been afraid the way I am afraid."

[thisvorlunatic]

"What the hell are you?" says Miles helplessly. "Talking to you is like - like a funhouse mirror for the soul. I can never tell where you're going to jump next. What do you mean by afraid...?"

[unmarred]

"I don't think you can know. I think you're too - Miles. Too Naismith. You don't know how to not win."